How often, Lord, do I betray you?

So today was Communion Sunday at church- we have that once a quarter and today was the day. As sensetive as my spirit seems to be these days to God, I was once more reduced to tears. I seem to spend much of my time lately near tears, overwhelmed by the goodness of God, by the sheer greatness of the Master I serve.

The lesson today was based on Matthew 26:17-22 (I think) where Judas is revealed to be the one who was to betray Jesus. And while I know that all of the events that unfolded that day had to happen in order for Jesus to become our salvation, I can't help but wonder how things would have been different if Judas, when faced with the knowledge that it was he who would betray his Lord, he had dropped to his knees and repented then and there, refusing to do what he was destined to do. Did he have the choice to change his mind? To do what was right instead of what was so desperately wrong?

And how many times each and every day do I, knowing or not knowing, betray my Lord with my sin? How often do I think something sinful, become angry for no good reason, hold stubbornly to unforgiveness, loose my tongue before I think? How much time do I waste doing things that are not pleasing or honorable to God? Far too much, I fear. How many times have I, like Peter, denied my Lord because I've been so caught up in my sin that He has been pushed to the background?

How can I make things better? How can I set my feet, my heart, my spirit, on the right path? A path that will change hearts and lives around me. I want so badly to be an asset to the kingdom of God. I want to give of myself to lead others to Jesus, to help others see Him in their lives. I want others to see Jesus in me, only Jesus.

So that means I have to let go of the sinful me, the angry, unforgiving, mouthy, me and let Jesus shine through. But even being the sinfilled me, I'm still weepy and overwhelmed by the goodness of my God and I want to shout it from the rooftops! I want to share it with those around me and maybe, even in my less than perfect life, I can still show someone the greatness of God through His mercy, His grace, and His amazing love for me even while I was yet a sinner.

What an awesome God we serve.

Friends are such a treasure

I met a very dear friend for coffee in Paducah yesterday and we sat and talked for well over three hours. I have some serious trust issues so making friends is hard for me. Letting people close is very hard for me but since moving here to Kentucky I've made some amazing friends. People I know I can count on no matter what. People who love and accept me for me, warts and all. I've never had that before and at times it's overwhelming.

As I drove the 25 miles home I cried nearly the whole way because my heart felt so full. So very full of God's blessings. He has opened doors for me here that I would never have imagined. I've had so many opportunities to serve Him over the years but fear has held me back. I know that's horrible to admit but I'm trying to be real here. Having been abused as a child has left me with scars, deep scars, and the above mentioned trust issues that have been really hard to overcome. And lets face it, talking to people about Jesus, offering our service, requires some trust to be offered by both parties and it's an area with which I've really struggled.

But having people welcome and accept me so openly and freely here in Kentucky has begun to finally heal those wounds from so long ago. Volunteering at church, being a part of my community, and being a friend to those who have befriended me has become almost easy and has blessed me beyond measure. There is nothing like hugging a friend and holding nothing back and I wish with all my heart that I'd discovered this gift long before now because I can't even begin to imagine how much more joy filled my life would have been before now.

But now that I have this treasure, I want to share it with the world. I want to be the best friend I can be to anyone who needs a friend.


Romans 12:10 Love one another with brotherly affection. Out do one another in showing honor.

Philippians 1:6

"He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it." As my church family sat silently, listening to a beautiful rendition of the song, "Be still and know", I sat with head bowed, eyes closed, talking to my Lord. My heart was a little heavy because two dear friends of mine, a married couple, are having some marrital problems and I've been doing all I can to help them through it but feeling like a bumbling fool. I want so badly to help them but I know that the best I can do is love them through it and pray with all my heart. So that's what I was doing, I was praying for them and asking God to give me wisdom and strength, and I heard a voice, clear as day- as though someone was sitting beside me speaking in my ear,

"He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it."

I've heard the verse before but never really gave it much thought to be honest, but today it touched my spirit in such a powerful way. It brought me to my knees and I started crying. I know in my heart, deep down to my core, that God is working in me, molding me with His very hands (imagine the hands of GOD Himself, caring enough about me to begin a good work in me!) making me into the woman He wants me to be. Making me into a usable vessel, a person He can use to reach the lost and hurting people. What a beautiful promise!

A Wave of His Hand

I love the whole idea of the Biblical account of Creation. What a wonder it would have been to witness it as God breathed the world into being. I wrote this poem after reading Genesis 1, in awe of the miracle of it all.

Time began one lonely day when God sat on His throne.

Looking down upon the earth He tired of being alone.

With a sweep of His hand and words filled with might,

He said, "This is good." When He created the light.

Day two began when in the blink of an eye

God waved His hand and created the sky.

Day three was a masterpiece with flowers and land.

He did all of this with a wave of His hand.

The fourth day He placed the stars in the sky.

The moon and the sun, He hung nearby.

"This work is good." He said to the wind.

"Now for the fifth day, what shall I send?"

He placed fish in the sea and birds in the air,

This once barren place was looking quite fair.

But something was missing, there's nothing on land,

The beasts were created with a wave of His hand.

God was still lonely with all of this done.

With all of these creatures He still had no one.

So He gathered the dust in the palm of His hand

And when He was done, He'd created a man.

Adam was put in charge of it all.

Then God made Eve and then the fall.

They lost the garden but not the love

Of the Mighty Creator up above.

Man was made deliberately,

Not from fish that crawled from the sea.

God wanted us here for Him alone,

He will not ever share His throne.

(c) 2000 Danielle M. Peck

Alone?

This anger is burning me up inside.
I want to run away and hide.
My heart is cold and full of fears.
I feel so along among my tears.
I'm tired of living with hurts and sadness.
I feel like giving into the madness.
Even with God I feel so alone.
My heart is as heavy as a stone.
My joy is gone, there's nothing left.
I am a victim of satan's theft.
Where is God when my heart is aching?
Is He here when my world is breaking?
Why can't I hear Him or feel His grace?
There's nothing but silence in this place.
Hear my cries, Lord, and speak to my heart.
Stop my word from falling apart.
I need your grace in my life today.
This is the plea that I humbly pray.

Amen

(c) March 5, 2002 Danielle M. Peck

A Mother's Tears

I wrote this one when my husband was working out of state for several weeks at a time and I was feeling so overwhelmed by being essentially a single mother of 3 small children.

A Mother's Tears

As I sit alone while my children sleep
From deep inside I begin to weep.
My feelings are all mixed up inside.
I've nowhere to run, nowhere to hide.
Anger, frustration, fear, and shame,
Many others that have no name.
My insides are fighting with blame and grief,
There is only One who can bring relief.
The One who gave His life for me.
The One who died on Calvary.
His life was taken, mine was saved,
And in that moment my path was paved.
Eternity is looming up ahead,
His blood and body, the wine and bread.
My problems here are none too large
When I give them to the One in charge.
He'll bear my burdens standing tall,
For every day He gives His all.
He loves me no matter what troubles I carry.
His love for me will never tarry.
Jesus is the one I speak of,
Jesus with His grave and love.
I sit and pray for quite awhile.
My children wake and make me smile.
The blessings I have are never ending,
My once broken heart is, forever, mending.
Thanks to Jesus and His undying love,
One day I'll live in Heaven above.

(c) 1999 Danielle M. Peck

Poetry

After enduring some terrible abuse in my childhood (not at the hands of my parents) I turned to poetry as a way of expressing my feelings and helping me heal. I suppose, like King David, poetry and song for me was one of the only ways I found to cope with fear, anger, hurt, and sometimes debilitating depression. Anyway, I was going through some boxes today and came across a folder filled with poetry I wrote over a span of about twenty years and I thought I'd share some here. God used words to heal my very troubled heart so maybe He can use those same words to help someone else.


Words of Wisdom

Faithless, faltering, hurting, hungry.
Seeking, searching, empty, lost.
Timeless, teacher, healer, shepherd.
Loving, living, leading, cross.

Weeping, guilty, desperate, hopeful.

Raising, rising, rolling stone,
Revealing, giving, Spirit, home.
Joyous, singing, loving, praise.
Waiting, worshiping, grateful, saved.

(c)2000 Danielle Peck

Stepping Heavenward

I have another blog dedicated to my journey toward publication but I felt like I wanted to start blogging about my journey toward Heaven. God is working in my life in such amazing ways and I just can't keep that to myself.

The title of this blog, Stepping Heavenward, is from the title of a book I'm reading of the same title by Mrs. E. Prentiss. What a story she tells and it's so beautiful to see this young woman's journey as she moves from selfish child to God fearing and serving woman. I see so much of myself in the pages of this story and pray daily that I, too, might someday see my life transformed into the very image of God. Into the woman He wants for me to be.

So this blog will be my journal. My map that will show where I started and where I go between now and when I land at Heaven's gates. Feel free to comment, make suggestions, rebuke if necessary. I want people to start seeing Jesus in me, so if you're not seeing Jesus in me, feel free to let me know so I can fix it. We're all in this together :)