So today was Communion Sunday at church- we have that once a quarter and today was the day. As sensetive as my spirit seems to be these days to God, I was once more reduced to tears. I seem to spend much of my time lately near tears, overwhelmed by the goodness of God, by the sheer greatness of the Master I serve.
The lesson today was based on Matthew 26:17-22 (I think) where Judas is revealed to be the one who was to betray Jesus. And while I know that all of the events that unfolded that day had to happen in order for Jesus to become our salvation, I can't help but wonder how things would have been different if Judas, when faced with the knowledge that it was he who would betray his Lord, he had dropped to his knees and repented then and there, refusing to do what he was destined to do. Did he have the choice to change his mind? To do what was right instead of what was so desperately wrong?
And how many times each and every day do I, knowing or not knowing, betray my Lord with my sin? How often do I think something sinful, become angry for no good reason, hold stubbornly to unforgiveness, loose my tongue before I think? How much time do I waste doing things that are not pleasing or honorable to God? Far too much, I fear. How many times have I, like Peter, denied my Lord because I've been so caught up in my sin that He has been pushed to the background?
How can I make things better? How can I set my feet, my heart, my spirit, on the right path? A path that will change hearts and lives around me. I want so badly to be an asset to the kingdom of God. I want to give of myself to lead others to Jesus, to help others see Him in their lives. I want others to see Jesus in me, only Jesus.
So that means I have to let go of the sinful me, the angry, unforgiving, mouthy, me and let Jesus shine through. But even being the sinfilled me, I'm still weepy and overwhelmed by the goodness of my God and I want to shout it from the rooftops! I want to share it with those around me and maybe, even in my less than perfect life, I can still show someone the greatness of God through His mercy, His grace, and His amazing love for me even while I was yet a sinner.
What an awesome God we serve.